I don’t want to alarm you by what I am going to say but I want you consider the implications carefully. Civilization as we know it might be, probably is, definitely is, nearing an end.

I have never considered myself a conspiracy theory nut, or, contrary to popular opinion, any sort of nut. Just because I have papered my walls with tinfoil to break the transmission of messages from outer space from reaching the radios hidden in my teeth is really not all that strange is it?

Now lest you think me somewhat strange, a tad weird, a bit batty, mad, or a raving lunatic you must hear me out. Then, if you are still convinced that I am a candidate for the funny farm please ignore this brief missive and fall victim to the menace that is about to descend upon mankind in all of its feline fury.

(Seriously now, as a side note and to show that I have probably given this subject way too much thought, have you ever considered the word CATastrophe? You have I am sure, noticed that it is not dogastrophe, or bearastrophe, or, cute-little-mouse-astrophe, no, it is CATastrophe for a very good reason which I am working on and will let you know as soon as I arrive at a plausible answer.)

Have you ever been doing something around the house, perhaps cleaning the refrigerator, washing the laundry or repairing the lawnmower on the dining room table, when suddenly and quite inexplicably you find yourself cleaning the cat’s litter box?

Or perhaps you found yourself opening a can of cat food when you knew very well that you don’t like that brand of cat food?

I bet you thought that was your idea didn’t you? Well, you were wrong. It was the cat, or cats, whichever the case may be, working a sinister form of cat mind meld, or, feline mind control.

You think I have gone around the bend don’t you? Go ahead, admit it, you think I’m bonkers, but think about it, when was the last time your cat squirmed into your lap and went to sleep and you didn’t dare make him move? Yep, Feline mind control!

When was the last time you felt the desire to rub his highness between the ears, to dangle a toy so he could play? That wasn’t your idea, oh no! He was controlling you through a form of tabby telepathy.

Just last evening as I was sitting comfortably in my easy chair Vociferous, the boss cat in the house jumped into my lap and began chewing on my book. Then he pushed it aside with his chin and placed a paw on it. All the time this was taking place I was hearing this very low, soft purring voice saying, “You are sleepy, sleepy, sleeeepy… You will not move. You are a soft, warm pillow.”

About an hour later I awoke with this very strange feeling that I had been licking the cat. Now we all know this is improbable to the point of the ridiculous but to be honest with you I still haven’t been able to figure out how my tongue got all covered with cat hair? Strange, very strange.

Pardon me, he is demanding some of my sliced, gourmet turkey breast. Yes master, I am coming master.

Please, humans arise; do something, it is too late for me but you must save yourselves before it is too late!

Yes master, I will clean the litter box, yes master, right away master

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