SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT
“The country is going to hell in a hand basket!” And, “Have you seen the price of gas lately?” Or how about this one, “And the cost of food? Why, we aren’t going to be able to afford to eat if this keeps up!”
The doomsayers, as they whimper and whine about [...]

SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED
Hello fellow Ranters!
Don’t you just love it when you are vindicated?
For a long time I knew in my heart that the common litterbug was a few bricks shy of a full load and now I have absolute proof!
Yes, I am talking about the common litterbug, otherwise known as litterbuggus disgustus, and in some areas [...]

To Ratty’s readers,
Ratty, being of a somewhat shy and retiring nature, (you can understand why considering his name) has asked me to come to his readers with an apology.
The “vulture” hanging from the tower is in fact a fake. Yes, it is a scare buzzard, or a fright vulture, bogus bird, or whatever.
It did not [...]

When in my teens I found a very emaciated muskrat wandering near our home on the Fox River in Illinois. It was obvious the little fellow was starving, what wasn’t so obvious was, Why?
The wee wildling didn’t struggle as I gently begin to handle and examine it. Poking and prodding I searched for some obvious [...]

SHADES OF THE MONKEY WRENCH GANG
By
Charles Towne
For those of you who have never read the cult classic, ‘THE MONKEY WRENCH GANG’ by Edward Abbey, do yourself a favor and beg, borrow or hi-jack a copy, you’ll love it.
It has been some twenty years ago when I was hiking way back on a large parcel of [...]

A BRIEF HISTORY OF CENTRAL FLORIDA’S LAKE APOPKA
For a very long time, people have inhabited the area around Lake Apopka. These people were what civilized man referred to as, “primitive”. Those primitive men called the lake, “Oomic gagagic ga goomba”, or in the white man’s tongue, “The beautiful lake that will last forever or until [...]

Greetings to all of you trash talkers out there, the Reborn River Rat Here again,
Glory and Hallelujah, all is not lost!
Nan and I were on our way to church the other day following a late model Mazda pick up truck with two young men in it.
As we approached a traffic light the driver attempted to [...]

Hey, all of you trash talkers out there! This is the River Rat here and you’re going to love this.
Recently I was back in the woods scouting wild animal trails for places to set up camera blinds when lo and behold there in front of me was the sign of the greater trasher, or, Trashus [...]

TRASHUS IDIOTICUS DOMESTICUS
By
Charles Towne
I don’t know if you have noticed it or not but some folks don’t have the good sense God gave a goofy gopher!
Man, I love this grand country of ours. It is “Land of the free and the home of the brave” and quite obviously the natural habitat of what I refer [...]